So, my Step-Dad was in an accident. A serious accident, one that he caused and could have been avoided easily, but an accident none-the-less. I have been posting on Facebook his recovery and talking to some of my friends that live in the same town as him. His accident happened while he was on vacation in another state and my immediate family had to leave work, children and pay for hotels and gas to go be with him. I stayed here helping take care of their homes, spouses, kids and yards. I worried and waited to hear that he was recovering through ups and downs. Since I haven't had much of a relationship with him in the last few years, many people assumed I could have cared less, told me I should be up there with my siblings and my mother, and told me how lucky I was he was still alive and that I should forgive him and go see him.
I ask you, what is the right thing to do? Do I even want to be right? I really could care less about what any of those people think about me. I do love my Step-Dad and I certainly would never wish him any harm, but why should the fact that he went to another state on a motorcycle he wasn't used to riding and conditions he wasn't used to riding in, had an accident not wearing a helmet, and was severely injured make all that he has done and said over the past few years ok? Did I mention there is some talk of him forgetting to pay his insurance before he left? This is going to possibly ruin his life and my biological mother's because of a huge medical expense the insurance may not cover and I'm supposed to forgive him for everything and run over there to help him? Is that the right thing to do?
I had one friend tell me, "He provided you a good childhood." Really? Like you have any idea how it feels to be told, "Well you aren't really MY daughter." I wanted to do the wrong thing and tell her to take a motorcycle ride off a cliff too. I didn't, I politely told her it was complicated and that I was thankful she had offered any help to my Step-Dad whom she barely knows. If she knew how he really felt and had told me her whole family was a worthless bunch of drunks with no sense, she might not be offering to go make him dinner.
I am glad he is recovering and I will go help him if he needs it, but not because of him. I will go to ease the burden on my other family members that do feel obligated to help him. I don't feel like the fact that he was irresponsible and risked his life doing something stupid deserves a total change in my attitude. I also refuse to feel sorry for him if his irresponsibility causes the family business to go under. I wish people could see him and the way he has treated me before they open their mouths. I am really angry at him for putting my brother and sister in a position to have to risk their jobs, income, time with their children, etc. so he could go live out his mid-life crisis with two of his buddies that left as soon as the helicopter life-flighted him off the mountain. I'm angry that only two of his family members only came down for two days and spent most of their time driving my mother out of the room and undermining the relationship she had with the doctors when they weren't sleeping in the hotel. I'm angry at his other family members that stayed here and criticized every little move we made and when it was discovered he didn't pay the insurance got angry at my mother and I for leaving the business in his hands like all of this is our fault?? Once again, I'm so angry that I really don't want to go see him or any of his family that will now swoop over in force to appear they care just in case anybody is paying attention.
How in the hell can anyone tell me what the right thing to do is when they don't know my life, my relationships, or my heart? For all I know, he might not want me to come over there and they have no idea if he would or not. I do know that I have asked him for help on several occasions and was told he could not help me. The difference is he could have helped me, he chose not to. I have helped him and will continue to help him, may not be directly, but it is still help. I feel this is the right thing to do because it is the loving thing to do. I love myself enough to stay in the background and not open myself up for any further pain, but I will still help my loved ones help him. Sometimes being there isn't the right thing, but it isn't the only thing you can do.
