My son is working on a project at school about his life so far and it had a section in it that really made me think long and hard about how I encourage him to accomplish his goals. I have tried very hard not to influence what his dreams are, but to make him realize they are his dreams and making them come true is HIS responsibility alone. I think too many of us parents are so busy dealing with our own lives to even hear what are kids are dreaming about, but I love to listen to the minds of my children wander through their thought processes about life and what they want to do when they grow older. I have always felt my job as a parent is to give my children the tools they need to accomplish those dreams, whatever they might dream. I don't want to steal my children's dreams with negativity or fear.
One of the hardest tools to teach your child is confidence. The best way is by having some in the first place. Encourage them to try! Don't be afraid to try things and let your children see you fail. From their perspective, even if you fail like a boss, you're still the most awesome person ever and you are teaching them that it is perfectly okay to try even if you make mistakes. My son once asked me why I wanted to go to school and become a nail technician when I already had a college degree. I told him it was a dream of mine. It may not have worked out like I had planned, but that is alright and I am all the better for it. My marriage may not have turned out like I had planned, but it was a dream of mine to get married and have children. I think back on all the crazy dreams I've had like being a marine biologist, being a solid gold dancer, being a mom, being a lawyer, running my own business, being a computer programmer, running the family business, creating BiteSize, and being a famous writer and even though most of them didn't pan out, I tried. I tried and I'm better for it. I'm still trying and as long as I keep dreaming, they are possible.
One of the greatest obstacles to accomplishing your dreams are letting other's make you think their dreams are your dreams. Judgement, fear, criticism, financing, and stress of getting through the day can put the spark of a dream out like a January wind. I find myself asking my children, "What do you think being a sniper is like?" Becoming a sniper in the US Marines is one of the current front runners in my son's dream basket. Although I can think of nothing worse from a mother's standpoint, I want to be supportive of his dreams. I make an extreme effort to separate my dreams of him becoming and famous plastic surgeon or a car designer and let him have his own dream. I do try to inject some reality into it by asking him if he even realizes that snipers shoot real bullets and have to live with the consequences of shooting those bullets at people. I also tell him if he wants to join the military, he won't be able to decide what he is going to do with most of his time. I would however be honored and proud no matter what he chooses and would support him in every way possible.
It's scary how quickly some dreams can become forever out of reach. One of the things I constantly try to instill in my children is to simply be open to a possibility. If you can dream it you can be it, but the opposite is also true. If you can't imagine it, then there is no way you are ever going to accomplish it. Some things are an impossibility, right now. Unless I win the lottery, there is no way I'm going on a vacation this summer, but when you start saying things like, "I'm never going on a vacation." The dream is gone. The possibility is gone. Sometimes you don't even know something was dream until the possibility has been trampled. I had a procedure done to make sure I didn't have any more children in my first marriage. I was sure I didn't want and couldn't handle any more children in that relationship. After that marriage ended and I began to open myself up to the possibility of other relationships, I suddenly realized I was furious at myself for making such a huge decision that affected the rest of my life. I thought I was making a good decision at the time, but in the back of my mind there was a regret. I still wish I had a girl. That will always be a small regret, but there are no guarantees I would have had a girl if I had tried again. I would have loved another child regardless, but I really really wish I would have left that possibility open.
Another thing I love to encourage in my boys is to create new dreams. Sometimes when we are out playing they will get very excited about a different game or product we are using, I ask them how could we make this better? I also love to ask them what would be the funnest game ever, the best book, the best tasting dessert? I always want them to realize that you can take the things you love and make them even better for you or make a career out of that! You like legos? How much more fun would legos be if you built special furniture to hold them and make building with them easier? What if you built special cases to hold all of your creations and with built in lights and a webcam. Exactly!! My son is working on this next year in his woodworking class. I want them to realize that dreams are sometimes small things. This is how they can build confidence to go for the bigger dreams.
Dreams are so completely unique and personal to every person. Sometimes they are mountains we have to climb and sometimes they are just a surprising turn of events creating a tiny wish. Dreams are places where possibility rules the day and there are no boundaries. Dreams can be frightful, intoxicating, warnings, pure fantasy, signs, or absolute silliness. Dreams can teach us what we really need versus what we think we want. How far you are willing to go to accomplish a dream is a pretty good indicator of whether that dream is truly yours. Next time you hear a person dreaming, hold their hand. Ride on that magical thought wave. Look at their world with possible glasses! Would it be so bad to pretend? If we aren't free to dream, then we just aren't free to be the person we could become. Dreams change as we change, but if we choose to be happy and then dream of making it better, there is nothing we can't overcome.
