Forty Plus One

Well my birthday is rapidly approaching.  I am turning 41.  That is unbelievable to me, but yet in a week I will be well into my 40's.  I don't feel 41.  In fact I feel the same as I did when I was 25.  A little wiser, a little more aware, but basically the same.  I am heavier but working to eat healthier and make 41 a leaner year.  I have decided to take up meditation seriously this year and have plans to attend a workshop on my birthday.  I just don't feel like 41.  Where has all the time gone?  I think turning 41 is harder on me than turning 30.  It just seems like I am saying internally, "No, you are too old for that." a bunch more than I used to.  I look at the dates on some of my favorite movies and some are more that 25 years old.  How did this happen?  The songs I listen to are on the classic rock stations, my outfits are more toward the vintage and I am just 41!!  I don't even want to think about what my kids say about me when I'm out there playing soccer with them or dancing in the kitchen.  Why does 41 seem like it's old in my mind, but not in my heart?  I still get hit on at the grocery store, why do I have to be 41???

One of the things I love about myself is I do not look my age thanks to great skin, greater makeup and never smoking, however, hormones have not done me any favors recently and my doctor informs me that part of this could be me going through menopause.  Pre-menopausal?  Are you freaking serious?  I wanted to punch him in the throat and that was not about the hormones.  Pre-menopause has some wonderful symptoms like night sweats, mood swings, dry skin (everywhere), weight gain, blah blah blah all of which I have been experiencing for a couple of years now.  I guess my uterus has given up on me since being unused for 10 years and decided I was too old to have any more kids too.  The "Change" as my mother calls it is about as welcome as fibroids which I might also have to deal with.   I am usually a great herald of change, but not within my body and not that is so beyond my control regarding my body.  I wasn't a huge fan of puberty and menopause doesn't seem to be that whippy either.  "Look at the bright side, no more periods," the nurse was now holding me back from punching him in the throat!  I am not pre-menopausal ok.  I refuse to be.

I also refuse to accept that I can't wear a bikini.  I may not chuck my pumpkin butt down to the public pool anymore, but I will always wear a two piece.  I have a short torso and I can never find a one piece that doesn't hang low at the bottom.  I'm not a Victoria Secret model and I don't have to be perfect.  I will never accept that I can't wear a bikini.  My mom is 57 and still wears one, I guess that is where I get it.

Growing older with grace and dignity?  I don't know if I know how to do that?  There are so many things I want to accomplish in my life still.  I realize that 41 isn't the end of the road and far from it, but it is a ways down the road.  I feel guilty that I haven't accomplished some of the things on my bucket list yet.  I feel guilty that I wasted some of my time afraid and feeling sorry for myself.  I feel guilty that I made bad financial decisions.  I guess one good thing is now that I'm older and wiser, I know guilt doesn't really help anybody.  I also realize it isn't too late to do all those things I wanted to accomplish if I try harder.  Grace was never a trait high on my description list, so why should it be a requisite for getting older?  Dignity?  That really kind of flew out the window with my twenties.  No, I won't be skinny dipping in a public pool anymore, but I will skinny dip til I die!  I will just promise not to allow any YouTube videos.

So to mark this milestone of my development, I have come up with a few things I will never be too old for:

1.  Haircolor - Even if I color it purple, I will always have product in my hair.
2.  Bikini's - Even if I look like Magda from "Something About Mary" I will wear me a two-piece!
3.  High heels - I might have a cane and a wheelchair, but I will never give up my heels!
4.  Ice Cream Cones - Yes, I will have a double dip please!
5.  Skinny Dipping - Nothing in this world feels as free as being naked in the water.
6.  Nail Polish - On my toes and fingers!  In fact the older I get the more I will get manicure and pedicures!  I deserve it!
7.  Animal Print Clothing - I don't care if it is my underwear, I will always have animal prints!!
8.  Flirting - I don't care if I'm 90!  Hot is hot and I will probably tell you about it. WINK!
9.  Motorcycles - Ok I might not ride one when I'm 90, but if I get a chance I probably will.
10.  Travel - Let's face it, most of us Joe Blows only get a few states away.  Even if I can't drive myself, walk without assistance, or poop unless I have a bag attached to me, I will travel to other countries, states, or even possibly Mars.  I will never let my age keep me from exploring.

On that note, this is my continuing mission.
To explore strange new worlds and eat ice cream there wearing a bikini...
To seek out new life; new civilizations, and new hair products...
To boldly go where no one has gone before in animal print clothing and high heels riding a motorcycle!

No fear!  Bazinga!!  Happy Birthday to me!