Right at this moment I feel such utter and complete dispair at the total failure of my ex-husband to accept responsibility for the emotional well being, financial support, and day to day care of our children. I used to excuse it away explaining to myself that if he isn't aware, not intelligent enough, or educated enough to see his responsibility then I was in part to blame for not standing up for my kids and telling him what they needed. I started communicating thier needs and even took him back to court to more clearly define his responsibilities and mine. I would notify him of appointments and conferences, but he still was late, had an excuse or just flat forgot. He doesn't live up to his financial responsibility and now has taken on more children in a second marriage and never offers any support other than what is deducted from his paychecks. No school suppiles, no doctor co-pays and he even switched to a cheeper insurance carrier that excluded all of the doctors the children see as in-network providers while telling me I would have to just find new doctors or pay all the extra costs myself. I don't mind telling you that I have such a deep and utter disgust of this man that I once pledged til death do us part that I feel as though I may vomit if I have to talk with him again.
Of course, I will have to talk to him. I will have to be a mature, caring, stable adult and try to work out my issues through the proper legal channels all the while working out soccer schedules and school functions. I will be the best influence in our children's lives. I will give them security and they will see me happy and healthy so they know what that is and they can model that behavior. However, when they don't see me I will cry. I am crying now. Huge tears that won't stop because I am so hurt that I have deal with an irresponsible, immature jerk that doesn't value his children enough to pay a 57.00 dentist bill. Who does that? Who says my children aren't worth 57.00? Who says my children aren't worth taking off work to take them to the dentist? What kind of father doesn't know you have to take kids to the dentist?
The real problem is now, he does know. He is fully aware that we must take our kids to the dentist, make them do homework, feed them, buy them clothes, talk to them about thier interests, love them no matter what and he has made the choice not to. I am left puzzeled by this. I guess I never realized it was a choice. My only choice was to become a parent. I chose that! I planned it, we discussed it, agreed on it and did it. I didn't think that if I hated changing diapers that I simply would refuse to do it, or if I was tired and the baby woke up at 3 a.m. I would just ignore it, but he did. I never knew that if potty training was too difficult I could just simply get angry and give up letting the boys wear pull-ups instead, that if I didn't feel like playing with a toddler I could shut myself in a bathroom for two hours, or that if I didn't want to watch Barney I could go golfing all day, but he did. Now as the boys get older they don't want to spend as much time with him and he doesn't understand why. He makes then cut thier hair military style and stay away from electronics. He has a new family he makes them participate in which sometimes they enjoy, but most of the time it just "feels weird".
I would never choose anything, anyone, or any life without my children being at the foremost of my thoughts. I don't understand how he can make choices that deprive his children of essential things like healthcare and blame me for being a bad mother. He makes almost three times my income and sometimes they don't eat dinner because he claims he couldn't afford it. He has two vehicles and he had three but gave his father one. I don't think he owes me a damn dime, but it is in the divorce petition that we each have an equal responsibility to pay medical expenses over what insurance does not cover. Am I supposed to take him back to court every time I take the kids to the doctor? Why can't he try to be a good father?
I have never claimed to be a perfect person or mother of the year, but I will never stand by and make my children go without basic needs. There are no "things" that I wouldn't go without to ensure our children were given access to healthcare. Even if I only saw them once a week I would guarantee they would have toothpaste, toothbrushes, clothes, food, clean shelter and medication they need at the absolute least and he chooses to ignore these needs. What kind of person can do that? How could I be so blind to have married him? I am honestly amazed at his complete and total failure as a father and my heart is obliterated. I feel nothing for this man not even an once of sympathy or compassion. My only hope is our children can look at what he does as an example of selfishness to be avoided. I have no doubt in my mind a day will come when they feel only pity for him and that is not a basis for a loving mature relationship. It makes my soul completely sad. I try so very hard to be a good mother. I don't understand why he doesn't try to be a father at all.
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